


Seeing you (almost like the first time)

by Avengethytwistedfate



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/F, Insecurity, M/M, Nerds in Love, No Mark Jefferson, Sassy Kate, Slow Burn, So much angst, Some Pricefield, Victoria is a nerd, body image issues, lots of references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 22:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16795633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avengethytwistedfate/pseuds/Avengethytwistedfate
Summary: Everything about it screamed that it was impossible to fix. Victoria's mind raging that even an apology would never be able to suffice. Until Kate offers her a second chance to make things right. The road to redemption was a shaky one and not without countless faults.But she has one more chance to make it right.One more chance to see Kate for who she really is.Almost as if it's the first time she's seeing her.





	Seeing you (almost like the first time)

**Author's Note:**

> Victoria has a debate with herself. Time to weigh in her actions and an ultimate decision she has to make.

There was that overwhelming feeling of guilt sitting deep in the pit of her stomach, like a void that's opened up with realization, hatred for what she's become. It was always there just nestled deep under all of that denial and porcelain, walls that refused to come down with even the heaviest of swings. Nary a crack formed in her stone walls for others, no one was truly able to get in, she liked it that way, otherwise, maybe how vulnerable and scared she was would end up showing. There was a mask she put on for the show of others, something that portrayed how perfect she was forced to be for her parents, how neglectful they were to even her slightest need. Victoria raised herself.

It was as simple as that, her parents barely even patted her shoulder before they went off to work, it was routine. The loneliness always festered as a child, how could it not? Even the most negative of attention brought a devilish grin to Victoria's face, it was still some form of attention when people were scared of her. She relished it sometimes, that power exchange, how she could make someone feel completely powerless, submit to her every waking command, appease and humor her. It was in no way healthy, it was close to the brink of batshit sometimes, she didn't care, what did it matter?

Of course there was Kate Marsh, bible thumping atrociously dressed angel of Blackwell Kate Marsh. She was a more frequent victim of Victoria's assault and power hungry attitude, she saw first hand only the surface level Victoria, she never got deeper than that. Letting Kate Marsh realize who she really was? That inner chubby weaboo nerd Victoria Chase who played video games, watched anime and cartoons religiously and was more than entry level geek? Kate Marsh had a better chance of winning the lottery than seeing that side of Victoria peak out any time soon.

She wrote her a letter and visited her at the hospital, she thought that was as far as their relationship was going to get. Nobody wanted to be friends with their former bully, someone who was a definite factor in them trying to kill themselves. It was sacrilegious, it was downright blasphemy, it was so disgusting. Victoria buried the hatchet, they were neither foe nor friend, that was the way it was supposed to be. They would ignore each other's existence, au revoir, bon voyage, c'est fini. She would gladly avoid talking to her, she would gladly forget she existed so she didn't cause her any more pain.

'I just want to see you smile, again.' That haunting line, that spine chillingly haunting line she wrote in her letter to Kate Marsh. She meant every word in that sentence, writing that letter took a good 40 minutes for her hands to stop shaking violently enough that she could hold a pen properly let alone write a full letter to her. Why was she like that? she had decency but it still hurt. It hurt when Rachel Amber became like a car crash in her life, it hurt to hear those who worshipped her before cowardly throw insults at her now, it hurt to look Kate in the eye, it all fucking hurt.

Fuck this, fuck it all, fuck every last one of these people. After everything she couldn't forgive herself, how would she ever be okay again now if she wasn't ever completely okay in her lifetime? she was crying, a pathetic sack of guilt and self loathing. Nathan was arrested, her weird crush and obsession was arrested and she was by far the worst person at all of Blackwell right now. Kate got stuck in the ugliest and most vile of holy trinities, she did not deserve any of this. Victoria deserved every last bit that was coming to her. Every. Single. Bit. To. The. End.

Max "never Maxine" Caulfield, Blackwell's very own hero, someone whom of which had saved the "Angel of Blackwell", she was definitely worth noting. She was so much stronger than she let on, someone who seemed to think there was good in everyone except those too fucked to even begin changing. She's wasted her breath so many times on Chloe, the girl who always seemed to get herself into copious amounts of trouble, a big middle finger raised to most of humanity. She wasn't the best of choices, even Victoria herself thought Max could do much better despite herself not being able to say anything being the piece of irrelevant shit she was. She kept her mouth shut now. She was gone, it didn't matter.

Mark Jefferson, the man she followed like some lovesick puppy. Who knew he would turn out to be a psychopathic man who took pictures of drugged women? It felt disgusting knowing who he was now. It was disgusting knowing she fell for the act and preened like a bird for him. How she was captivated almost by his aura and couldn't help herself. Disgusting, vile, so, so her.

The end of the world seemed nigh on the night of the storm. But she survived somehow, some way . Something kept her here despite her wanting to end her miserable petty existence. How many people had she hurt? How many lives were ruined? She already tainted someone so beautiful she was like an angel. She of all people didn't deserve shit from Victoria. But she never judged, never fought back even if a part of Victoria was screaming that she should be punished.

And yet she never was. She was still alive. She was still breathing, shuddery breaths. She was trying to ease her mind but every time she closed her eyes she just saw chaos.

Victoria didn't sleep.

She couldn't succumb to the wrapping tendrils of sleep. The calming embrace that enveloped her many times before. Why was it so different now than it was at the beginning of this hellish nightmare? She sat on the edge of her bed, thinking, theorizing; thinking of every conceivable thought that was threatening to explode.

Nothing felt real anymore. That was the one thing that truly resonated and sent a chill down Victoria's spine. How she wished she could fall asleep and wake up to find her worries were just dreams. The line between reality and fiction had been blurred, smudged, like ink on an artist's canvas.

Somehow she was still breathing, her chest heaving and falling. How was she still here? Shouldn't some karmic force come from the earth to swallow her whole?

She couldn't help but look at the clock: 3:55 am, way too early to even attempt to wake up.

But somehow, some way she was waking up, hopping out of bed. Sluggishly she made her way towards her closet. Getting dressed at a time like this wasn't ideal but the urge to get out and stretch her legs was too strong to be ignored.

'You'd make any excuse to hide your guilt wouldn't you?'

That familiar nagging voice in her head, she willed it away but it only got stronger, louder.

'At least you took down the video, isn't going to save you. You're going to hell no matter what you do. People like you don't deserve to change.'

The fountain was her moment of respite. Sitting there, hands clasped in her lap. She deserved to change. That nagging voice was just a result of her social conditioning right? None of what it was saying was true.

'That's what you think. Do you honestly think Kate Marsh deserved the shit you put her through? You're a monster, a lot of people would love to see you gone. You just have power. But what's people being too afraid of you to stand up when you have nobody beyond it?'

Her hands soon went back to needlessly kneading at her thighs, biting her tongue to keep the sobs from wracking through her entire body.

When the sun peaked up over the horizon she slipped back. Acting as though she had never gotten up in the first place. Even texting Taylor and Courtney at the time her alarm went off.

Classes slugged onwards, life was moving on. And after the fact, after the class that left her in eternal dread she did the inconceivable.

She went to Kate Marsh's dorm.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was mostly to analyze my Victoria in this fic and get an inside look on how she is and why.I love all feedback as this is my first fanfiction in two whole years on this site. I've had time to reflect on where I want my writing to go and learn how to develop better character interactions. I want to make this a multi chapter fanfic as I have a creative vision with exactly where I want this to go. I hope you enjoyed my Chasemarsh first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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